Update.

Okay, so I haven't been writing much the past month now. So much is going on, too much to say but I wanted to just jot a couple thing's down before I get back to Call of Duty. =P

A friend came in town, he stayed from Nov 23 to Oct 1st.

I been feeling very indifferent at the same time, I'm a little sad, confused, and just very unsure.

I want to do so much but I'm only one person.

Keeping in mind... from what someone told me... that I wasn't put here to waste time on earth... but at the same time I feel the need to want to please everyone. I forget about myself and that is something that's bad about myself that I wish I could change. I'm used to saying yes and never saying no. I want to do thing's. That's all I want to say... but at the same time I'm heading that direction but I feel indifferent.

I don't understand my feeling's and my heart seems to go a direction that I'm afraid it might be a bad decision, I did a lot of thing's this past month, I don't really regret it much but I wish I used my head more than my (you know).

All I know is that ... I'm stuck. Again, I feel stuck more than ever. All I do is upset people that come across me, and sometimes I wish I was just left alone. Why do you guys have to like me? What do you see in me? Why do you keep calling me beautiful... why do I feel so smothered most of the time. Why do I feel like... I'm doing things you guys want... why do I feel like ... I'm stuck in the middle. Back and Forth it's all I'm doing but I can never have the time to stop and take a minute of what I really want.

It wasn't this difficult when I was with my ex. It didn't hurt this much, and ever though he cheated on me... I'm hurting that I'm in a situation where these two want me to choose... I don't want to hurt these two people... sometimes I feel rushed... sometimes I just want to be like fuck off sometimes...

Didn't want this entry to be horrible but it's a rant and I had to let it out.. and if you guys end up reading this. This is how I feel.... I want to go to school yeah. I want to work yeah... I want to maybe fall in love but not like this.. where I feel forced into it... I feel forced into it... can you guys hear me.. ?